Okay so I guess you’ll need to hear about my life up to now. I’ll pot it for you because it’s just too damn tedious to go into in any great detail…
1. Born in nondescript industrial town, North West England, 1972.
2. Lived and schooled in rural idyll outside same nondescript town.
3. Parent’s divorce bitterly, angrily, violently in 1978 – I have barely any memories of this time.
4. Endure secondary school and fail miserably at almost everything, scrape together enough grades to sneak into college which I abandon after 3 months.
5. Leave home at 17, work in various pubs and clubs. A few girlfriends, some serious.
6. Move to seaside town in South West England. Take as many drugs as I can find.
7. Semi-mental breakdown, return to North West.
8. 3-4 years of more drugs, and lots of alcohol.
9. Use booze to wean off hard drugs. Smoke lots of dope.
10. Met a girl, bought a house, married and had kids.
11. Ate too much, drank too much, another semi-breakdown, anti-depressants, more drink.
12. Still drinking, more kids, University study, awakening.
13. Various grown up jobs…
14. Still drinking. Postgraduate study, mental deterioration, redundancy, literature, art.
16. Present. Tense.
These look a little like chapter headings. I will fill in the gaps as we go along, probably with a lot of angry masturbation, affairs with surprisingly beautiful young women, guilt, and morbid self-pity….oh yeah and maybe a few photos thrown in. It will be a lot of fun.
I am going to drink now, and make pizza for the kids.